Jersey Campbell's dia numero uno

A funny thing happened when I was looking into the history of South America... I fell asleep. So I decided to switch it up. If you know me, you know that not only am I a borderline drug addict, I'm also as ambivalent as an anteater (don't worry, that wasn't supposed to make sense, but I couldn't pass up the alliteration). This led me to throwing away the old topic that could instantly alleviate an insomniac's problem and taking on a topic a bit more... edgy.

Cocaine is a hell of a drug. I may or may not have first-hand experience of that statement famously made by Rick James during Chappelle's Show (fuck yo couch niggas!). Since I was going to study South America, I simply decided to switch the subject area to one of South America's main exports. Cocaine. (Disclaimer: this post will contain as many cocaine-referencing youtube videos as possible. Be prepared.) Let's face it, cocaine is a huge part of American culture. It isn't as widely used as other drugs, such as marijuana, alcohol, and caffeine, but a lot of people seem to be enjoying it a lot of the time.

(Berries not included)

We begin our exploration of cocaine with an overview of the origins of the drug, the coca leaf. The coca leaf was originally grown in western South America and traces of the plant have been found in the tombs of mummies dating back 3,000 years. Of course your first thought is damn, "these guys know how to party!," but I doubt they were using it in that capacity. Then I did some research. Turns out, they kinda were using it in that capacity.

The Native South Americans chewed on the coca-leaf for the euphoric effects it had on their bodies. The high would last for a relatively long time and the stimulation is rather mild. For the ancient Native South American civilizations, the coca leaf was like how we view beer in this country, or wine in France, or even hashish in the Arabic nations of the Middle East. That was they thing, nah mean?

In particular, the Incas believed that the coca-leaf was sacred, and used in the plant in various cultural ceremonies. It has been said that when the Spanish people-rapers went over to South America they watched as the natives labored for days on nothing but the coca-leaf. Days!! If you know anything about colonialism you know what kind of grueling physical labor the indigenous people were subject to. To go DAYS without food but still be able to perform the heinous tasks the people-rapers asked of them is insane. Cocaine is a hell of a drug. What the coca does is reduce your appetite and increase physical stamina, among other things. Forget Viagra, it's time to start selling these people some coke! Wait what? It's illegal? Oh, damn.

Let's throw some coca-leaf fun facts out there. When the people-rapers sailed over in Atlantic in the 16th century, a civil war was starting to eat away at the Incan empire. As always with wars, the economy of the region will suffer, and theirs being an agricultural economy it was bound to break down. To alleviate the losses of edible resources, guess what was used instead... if you guessed the coca-leaf, come on down! Not only can we use the coca leaf for increased stamina, but it's a food substitute. This already sounds like the greatest plant in the world, with cannibus coming in a close second.

Scientific nutritional analysis shows that 100 grams of coca leaf contains 305 calories, 18.9 grams of protein, 46.2 grams of carbs, and satisfies the recommended dietary allowances for calcium, iron, phosphorus, and Vitamins A, B, C, and E. I'm just as surprised as you are.